Everything starts somewhere, although many

Everything starts somewhere, although many physicists disagree.

At T.G.I. Friday's, physicists disagree about where this somewhere is. "The proper start to a meal is BBQ Chicken Flatbread." "No, the origin of dinner is Tuscan Spinach Dip."

The waiters, often scantily-clad, were philosophers, nutritionists, and various other professions that helped diffuse the situation. "Starting a meal is culturally relative," said

one enlightened waiter, "May I suggest..." But all I heard was blahblahblahblah. I noticed the waiter had his Speedo on inside out AND a small booger hanging from his nose. I order

Private Witless to arrest the waiter and take him to the military base for "questioning/waterboarding". At the base Private Witless trips over a pile of potatoes

because the Colonel always stored his potatoes right where everyone walks. Private Witless kicked a spud and it knocked over the Colonel's

young mistress. "Oh gosh, I'm sorry ma'am!" he apologized, reaching over to help her. The Colonel intervened, striking Private Witless in the groin with a small sack of russets.

While Private Witless was writhing on the ground, the young woman picked up a slightly bruised apple and bit into it. She showed the half maggot inside to the Colonel & swallowed t

-he piece with relish. "Damn fine," said the Colonel, "now if you'll just finish off the rest of these wormy apples, I'll proceed with Private Witless's court-martial." She didn't

finish them because just as she bit into one a worm popped out & said "The Colonel's rotten to the core & a scoundrel too." Sure enough he was an imposter so they shot him instead.