Lightning streaked across the sky and the

Lightning streaked across the sky and the trident rose to catch it. The charged weapon was now ready to be handed by the gods to a mortal worthy enough to carry it. His name was

Steve McManaman and he was a man's man if ever a man's man lived. The gods chose Steve to receive the trident of power because they figured he'd blast the ever-loving daylights out

of the shaven-chested, metrosexual actors who had infested sci-fi film for a decade. Disappointingly, McManaman turned when Paramount offered him $3 mil to star in a remake of

Mean Girls. Mc Manaman did himself up in his best drag make up and showed up on the first day of shooting looking like Rupaul on meth. The make up artist immediately began

beginning to immediately think about quitting the job. The producer paid the makeup artist "scale" and her is this flamboyant drag queen on 5-hour energy drink demanding foundation

and mascara and size 12 heels. "The next time you waltz in here, leave your boys at home!" The producer grew tired of appeasing popstars and their 'girls.' He wanted to work with

Real artists, starving artists with undeniable spark, eliciting emotion from even the likes of Ben Stein. He sighed as the popstar's girlfriend paraded her toddler around the set

. After breaking into a run, the toddler was stopped abruptly as the shiny hi-hat cymbals that had demanded attention struck right between the eyes. Ben stifled a chuckle as blood

hounds began howling in the distance. That was his signal to head home. Ben turned his back on the screaming brat, leaving him to cry it out, & stepped outside. Brrrrrr! Gigantic

hailstones pelted Ben from all directions and frigid winds whirled him round. Ben staggered back inside, battered and depleted. His son was smugly composed. "See what happens?"