The second time I died was when

The second time I died was when

I OD'd on reanimation fluid. I looked OK after my original death, but this one left me riddled with abcesses & deformations such as a HUGEleft eye. The 3rd time I died was when

I fell into an open casket, was buried alive, and clawed out when the moon was full. Then a Segway hit me. The 4th time I died was different. I had just

burrowed through 6 feet of dirt, and interrupted a Cosa Nostra Burial.The deceased relatives where none to pleased shot off my head with a tommy gun. The 5th time I died I had just

gotten over how 'Nostra' was a lot like 'Nostril'. Cosa Nostril. Bwahaha. Funny...uh oh. Maybe all these deaths were getting to me...

Nonetheless, die again I would, & probably not for the last time. I blew my nose cosa it was all stuffy. Maybe pneumonia would take me out this time. But then I noticed the rash.

And I died. That's my story kids, 100% true guaranteed don't let your mommy tell you otherwise.

Your mommy thinks I make up lots of stories. It's not my fault that I like to live dangerously! Can't help that I've been through six dino fights, made out with Sofia Vergara, and

caught that really thick accent from her. So now, I'm on my third attempt to get a bank loan. But hey, my new saddle comes by overnight express and then it's high time to ride

off into the sunset on my trusty steed, the rodeo machine at the local mall. What luck that the sunset mural on the wall has so far escaped vandalism by local down and out youths.