After we woke the Kraken, it turned out we

After we woke the Kraken, it turned out we were kindred spirits. Never quite sociable at any hour, and certainly not just after rousing. The Kraken and I both liked sardines and

were suckers for mussels & we both liked cruise ships. I tried to look on the bright side as the Kraken pulled the Costa Labrusca into the deep. His great eye peered into my cabin

and winked at me. The Kraken pulled me from the wreckage and set me on dry land. He proceeded to gobble up the others and spit out the ship like the shell of a sunflower seed.

After he was done feasting the Kraken came over, picking his teeth with the mast. "Why didn't you eat me too?" I asked. The Kraken gargled with salt-water then said, "Well, it's li

ke this: after a few millennia I've found that leaving a survivor helps build the mystique. Really ramps up the terror factor when the story spreads." The Kraken hocked up a skull.

The skull rolled past my feet, leaving a trail of the Kraken's digestive juices in its wake. The smell made me gag and I stumbled back a few steps in fear. But I refused to break

dance. I was not going to be some locking hip-hopping puppet of the Great Kraken. That's when I decided my only hope was a dance off. I'm gonna take down all of these sukkas.

I summoned Astaire and Rogers into my circle before I realized my mistake. Their zombie parts wouldn't hold up and it wasn't long until they realized that brains are the height of

4 inches, the perfect height for platform double suede shoes. Astaire and Rogers electric slid to my eggheaded assistant's protruding frontal lobe. "The zombies - they love me!" he

decried. It was true. So infatuated were the inferi revenants with the ugly height-emphasizing shoes that they completely forgot all about their menacing cannibalistic fervor.