Really i could see my life come to an end. Was this really how i was supposed to leave? Someone pointing a pomegranate at me. i was so terrified that I guffawed at the absurdity of the premise. How could a pomegranate -a symbol of prosperity- be my undoing? Who ever died from too many antioxidants? I needed to harvest my escape. I manufactured a bomb out of probiotic kombucha cultures and threw it at a wall. No effect. I knew there had to be a way to escape this Whole Foods, pomegranates be darned! I glanced around desperately, looking for anything that would work. I had to escape this gluten-free, vegan, organic hellscape before I turned into a piece of tofu. Ah - a bag of magic mushrooms. Exactly what I needed to escape veganism. I read the label first. I didn't want to be using unethically sourced psychotropic mushrooms. Source: Beeville Farms, TX The name rang a bell. Beeville Farms, TX...oh yes. It was in the news: 'Mushrooms from Beeville Farms are not only delicious but will send you to heaven.' Like, literally, these mushrooms will kill you, they're mad toxic. For whatever reason, though, people kept buying them. These people had no self preservation instinct nor common sense, and the whole lot of them were found dead at their Thanksgiving table, having eaten the poisonous mushroom sauce that Grandma had put on the green beans. They should never have kidnapped Ol' Joe, and stripped him of all his money, belongings, skin.. if only grandma would not have found the stains.. the bones and straps of skin left in the bidet. It was the last thing granny needed. Her knees may have been weak, but she did not envy the knee muscle deluging her in that moment. Still, she could scream quite loud.

 

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