Bart pushed himself away from the table. Nothin' like "All-U-Can-Eat Lamb Fries Night" at Sam's Truck Stop. Bart waved away the coconut creme pie he was offered and belched. "What's the use of an elastic waistband if you're not going to use it?" the waitress asked Bart as she slid the pie at him. Bart had an antacid shipment in the big rig, so why not hing from Tums so far? His Antacid connection was supposed to confirm the order but instead, Bart was staring at a gelatinous sweaty quivering Key Lime Pie. Well, actually it was Key Lime Cake, though Bert didn't know or care about the difference. He just wanted his money back. "Excuse me Antacids, you have my order wrong!" He yelled, "My tummy ordered the warm feel of fullness and easy bowel movements and that is not what you delivered. It says on the package 100% refund if not completely satisfied. We're not. We want our refund." The cashier looked at the nice crazy customer & directed his attention back at the box of antacid where it showed how to go about getting his refund & it didn't include her in it. When she saw that he didn't understand what she was saying she rolled her eyes &, as a joke, looked to see if maybe she was listed as a step in the refund process for this antacid. To her surprise, she saw that she was next in line to receive a 50 cents off coupon on her next roll of TUMS. This was the proud day she had been waiting for all her life. She put her basket on the conveyor as she readied to receive her coupon and purchase her TUMS. As she held her hand out for the coupon the store alarms suddenly started shrieking. A man who looked suspiciously like an undercover FBI agent tackled her. "I've got the TUMS killer!" She was released from custody when a more sinister looking man was caught buying TUMS.

 

Comments

1 Gibber's photo

How ironic. She was accused of being the TUMS killer after she was nearly his next victim.

2 PurpleProf's photo

Do y’all know what lamb fries are? Never heard of ‘em until our family moved to Kentucky for a while… Could never stomach them myself. Yes, I would require TUMS.

3 Gibber's photo

Wikipedia: “Lamb fries are lamb testicles used as food.” So they aren’t really food, just used as food.

4 Kyerra's photo

I’ve never heard of lamb fries but they definitely sound like something I would not enjoy or ever try.

5 LordVacuity's photo

I’ve heard from a lamb friend of mine that she feels the same way towards you Kyerra. I told her ewe would understand. She said I was being baaa. I thought I was being sheepish.

6 Kyerra's photo

Wool you pipe down already?! You are full of fluff I think. :)

7 Woab's photo

Maybe the TUMS killer was actually the lamb castrado. Hm, that sounds like a dish, doesn’t it? “I’ll have the lamb castrado, please. Well-done.”

You must be logged in to comment

You can Log in now or Sign up for a new account