It was Halloween night and a little puppy was out for a walk. A canine lunged at him and bit his neck. The puppy felt her body changing. First her eyes turned red. then she turned into Hillary Duff, or was it Clinton? She was never able to figure out. But her eyes were glowing red the entire time! She tried to bark, but "Help!" came out in pig latin, so it was "elp-hay!" The hypnotist had done his work. Riki Lake thought she was a dog who spoke pig latin. When he snapped his fingers to bring her back nothing happened He snapped his fingers 3 times and Riki Lake started dry-humping his leg saying "es-Yay aster-May!" Something had gone terribly wrong in the session. Worried, he looked to the Blue light on the ceiling and its built in ouija board. "What do you say is going on ?", he asked the blue light. It blinked six times and then took three deep breaths... His blue light was a heavy breather. That's because it was a butane torch & required oxygen. You might ask how do you build a Ouija board into a butane torch? He was ingenious: The hi-tec butane torch flickered eerily. Those assembled around the seance table shuddered. "It's a signal from the beyond!" cried the medium. "Battery at 15%!" said the torch. The words "battery" and "percent" had fallen out of the human vernacular thousands of years ago, so the medium believed it was some sort of sacred verse. "Battery at 15%" became The battle cry of the Shadow's Heart Brigade. They claimed it was onamanapeia but they still have no idea what "Battery at 15%" could mean. It did seem to frighten their enemies. So for a while they enjoyed the power they had over their opponents. Eventually, however, their cell phones ran out of juice and they lost to those with the real power. Electric.

 

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