Why? Why must I do this? Why do I.. pick my nose in public while singing I'm a little tea pot in french backwards and watching Hilary Clinton campaign ads. I knew this would get me harassed but I couldn't help it I understood why people called me "eccentric" behind my back, but it was a compulsion. I had to be obnoxious with every part of body. Take my knees, for instance, they clacked like a couple of heavy metal balls dangling and banging into each other whenever I was busy doing things that needed to be done. It never happened when I had free time. My noisy joints would act up, e.g., if asked to mow the lawn. No one could hear the mower over the grating sound the interaction between my bone segments made. "Never mind- I'LL do it...". Until, NOW! Now you can get your lawn mown while you sit on your plump patoot with the new Mousey Mower! On the outside it looks like a plastic turtle, but inside, mice with lawn mowers made of hamster wheels with serrated edges scamper along & reap your crabgrass. Its ingenious & so cute, but whatever you do don't lift the tortoise shell camouflage to see them! The head officer in the complaints department was worried the hamsters would go on strike and the crabgrass would not survive the summer. Good excuse to go fishing, his wife kept telling him while calling from the bed of the morning’s second lover. With him fishing she could go explore the Pacific Fleet. It was she who was fomenting the hamsters to str ike up the band as she boarded USS Bill Clinton, which was long and full of seamen. A wild time ensued: the deck was full of sailors at attention, hats hanging from their laps.

 

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