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*Gasp* The crowd gasped as a dark shadow

  • *Gasp* The crowd gasped as a dark shadow grew over the city. Peter Parker looked at the source of the shadow and gasped. He took off his glasses and ripped his shirt. It was time.

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  • Pizza time. Peter Parker, now donned in his Spiderman suit, shot a web from his wrist and leaped onto a nearby lamp post. "You think you can best me, shadowy villain!"

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  • Spiderman yelled at Oprah. He shot a web right into her cleavage.

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  • It got stuck there. No matter how much Oprah wiggled and danced, it wouldn't release from his spidery pants. The studio audience watched as Spiderman's web

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  • wrapped around the inspiring woman, cocooning her like a particularly tasty insect. Oprah's sassy retorts were muffled as Spiderman moved around her, twisting the strands

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  • around her perfectly coifed hair and designer outfit until she was nothing but an Oprah-shaped mass of Spiderman silk. "You'll hear from my sponsors!" Oprah yelled from inside the

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  • famous hair dressing Salon Split Endzo. The Spiderman Silk woman trembled, "I can't help the way I was made." She tried to make a quick exit but stuck to everything.

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  • Her long locks reminded one of Lady Godiva, the legendary brunette. It was lady Godiva vwho she bumped into and who grabbed the scissors so spiderman silk could leave almost

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  • with as much nothing or less than when he got there. Surely not with more. Godiva wasn't a brunette and to prove it I ripped off her kilt to reveal that she wasn't a lady either.

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  • I paused then, to let the full effect of my story sink in. Junior's eyes grew wide in realization. "...and was she?" he asked. "I'll tell you tomorrow," I replied. "Sweet dreams!"

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