When the pounding in my head got loud enough that people beside me could hear it, I knew I had to do something about it. I went to see Prof. Loomis's brother, Luthor about it. His advice was only more confusing -- or maybe it was harder for me to concentrate with all the pounding. "Have you done anything lately that might be making you feel guilty?" he asked ¨Yeah...I killed my mom and then put her brain in a blender...it tasted kind good though.¨ I stuttered. I thought the brain was the best part, after all. The heart was too thick and the liver was too chewy. I didn't like admitting that I did this, but it was a great meal. And now I'd like to bring these same cannibal delicacies to the vegan community, with my new Tofuman Cookbook! Now even vegetarian zombies can enjoy brain substitute dishes and livers, hearts, and kidneys, too. In the Tofuman Cookbook, I organize meal plans for vegan zombies. Breakfast brains made from pickled-beets-stuffed cauliflower. Lunch lungs made From processed Lima beans. I heard they were a great hit amongst the horde of zombies at the LA meetings (Longpigs Anonymous) it's such a shame that 90% of them go back to flesh within a year of completing the program. Though the lima beans were a cruelty-free, sustainable option, the zombies just couldn't resist the rich, meaty aroma of human flesh. People started reporting a change in their zombies. It was like the zombies were in some kind of existential pain over being dead & still feeling like they did when they were alive . I mean, go figure, right? Still, what the zombie union didn't count on was not being able to collect workmen's comp for being dead. That was an opposition greater than them.

 

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