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I d d d don't remem m m m ber when I began

  • I d d d don't remem m m m ber when I began t t t t to stutter. When I was a ch ch ch child, half of my

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  • Li li life has sttut stunt to the mad be be beat. Step bbbback fantasy ggggirl let me t t take you alll in.

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  • She rolled her eyes, flipped her hand over to examine her pedicure, slowly chewed her gum with loud smacks, let out a big sigh & pursed her lips. My pickup line didn't impress her.

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  • I could tell this by the faint flicker in her left eyelid as I delivered my zinger. I concluded she had appalling taste in men and started chatting up her friend sitting next to

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  • the midget eating caramel corn. "Hey, Good Looking. What's up?" "Not much," said the midget, wiping his sticky hands on the breasts of the woman I was attempting to seduce. I shot

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  • the midget a glance that made him sit back in the chair and pull his sticky fingers away from my date's breast. She smiled a toothy grin and giggled, "He sure is a fresh little guy

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  • .” I wasn’t so sure. The midget seemed intent on killing me and stealing her, but of course I didn’t say that.

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  • Instead, I said, "Come ride on my shoulders my short friend, and together we search for another princess to rescue." Insulted by my insinuation, he head-butted me in the torso and

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  • Strangled me to death with my own testicles. Eventually the dwarf located another princess and, after wooing her, climbed inside her and shouted "birth me into a new life together"

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  • To his chagrin, she discharged him from the other side. But the ensuing journey DID change his life & spawn his epic How to Swim with the Turds, lauded for its non-metaphoric tilt.

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