To mark the anniversary of his creation of the universe. God organized a gargantuan firework. A really really Big Bang. Sadly, God miscalculated and the Really Really Big Bang destroyed the universe which had been created by the Big Bang. "Goddammit!" he cursed, using His own name in vain. "It took Me seven days to program all that and now look at it. Oh well", He sighed as he went on to install Universe 2.0. Then the Godputer crashed. My friend Jax tried to cheer me up. "Come on, man, it won't take you long to rewrite Universe 2.0 for a Raspberry Pi. It's the algorithms that matter, and you already have a Void ed Warranty. It's not like you can get a refund." I sighed, not wanting to admit my beloved quantum universe simulator had outgrown the Amiga I programmed it on. "But Linux is so complicated and dictatorish. It won't let you screw around with stuff; how can I perfect my quantum universe simulator with Linux?" I whined. "Are you seriously saying you'd trust a virtual universe to Windows? Heaven help us all!" he said, and slapped me across the face. "That will teach you to be wrong." I realized then that his cyber bullying had become physical bullying, and that I had to get out of the chat room, so to speak. With one hand to my slapped face, I fled into the nether world, seeking out Shub N'Gorath (I hope I spelled it right) to summon a great calamity with which to avenge my chat-room foe. That cyber bully would be sorry when the demon gave him a swift backhand--just one swift backhand--right in his smarmy, grease-slicked, zit-crater face, for the Lord hath smitten him and delivered him unto a computer's hands.

 

Comments

1 KieferSkunk's photo

Well, that escalated quickly. :)

2 Zetawilk's photo

I went for a kind of Catherine Tate/Book of Edith thing. That’s a gamut, right?

3 KieferSkunk's photo

I have no idea, but it was really satisfying.

4 Zetawilk's photo

We’re just God’s QA testers for the *real* species he plans to evolve. Why do you think we haven’t met any aliens yet? This universe is still in its alpha phase. He needs to hire more angels to debug. Goddamn Kickstarters.

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