Professor Simon looked at me like I had three heads all wearing half moon glasses and pondering away. "So, what you're saying essentially is, time is three cups of coffee, Linda?" "Precisely!" I exclaimed. Perhaps he was finally getting the metaphor. I gestured towards the three mugs on the table, each filled with steaming hot coffee. "So if you shift this cup two positions along the countertop, put creamer in the 2nd one and give it a swirl & the other two cups are nonnewtonian fluids & I put sugar in the first one, what do I have? I took a sip from the first one, it tasted mildly sweet with a bitter aftertaste; Not bad for coffee in outer space, thought I wish we had brought a proper coffee machine, you said I said, but I didn't. That was your cousin Doug who said it. You were drunk the 1st time you heard the story. You thought they had were talking about me. It was him, not me. I wish [4rth wall break: HA! I get to call YOU out on YOUR grammar now! HAHAHA!] you would just stop drinking and listen to me." He threw the bottle across the room and it shattered. "Ple ase refrain from using 4th wall breaks for petty squables..." his voice trailed off as he began to cry, and he hid his face in his hands. "Mommy," he began, "Please stop drinking." Kimberly, aged four, knew only too well the response to his plea. "Mommy will stop drinking," she improv'd in a raspy voice, "when you stop wetting the bed." And she took a slug of her White Russian, nodded, and went back to her soaps. It was at that point that the Real Toddlers of Orange County producers knew they had a hit on their hands. "What we need now is for Andy Cohen to sit down in the sandbox with the toddlers & get the backstories!" And so he did.Armed with animal cookies & milk,Andy made TV history & a billion dollars!

 

Comments

1 WhatTheFox's photo

@LordVacuity sorry… *sniffles* I-I’m just so insecure ab-bout my grammar…

2 LordVacuity's photo

I take it you felt I had singled you out. As far as I can recall, which isn’t far, I haven’t. I make enough mistakes myself. That comes with the territory when my sausage like fingers try to keep up with my thoughts.

I have no problem with them being pointed out to me. Thank you, I will try to do better.

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