I got a lot done today! Finished my butt

was exhaustive. "Todo" was Spanish for "everything." There was everything on that list. Which included supergluing the

fallen toe nail back on to the Senora's big toe."Haces de todo?"they asked when I aplied to the job."Si."I answered,stating that I was up for anything,but I never thought it meant

speaking Spanish. "Non hablo puerco, Dora," I wanted to say, but didn't think of it 'til later. Do they expect me to spend money on pot instead of windows for my shit house? What

did they want from me? Dora, sensing my misgivings, tried another tactic.The oldest, but most effective strategy in the world: sex. She opened her Spanish fan & whispered something

naughty, something dirty, something nasty. This whisper would make Ron Jeremy and Jenna Jameson blush. Dora's hardcore whisper was so far out there into the world of fetishism

but it did wonders for the tumescently challenged & flaccidly phallused would-be bedroom paramours for Dora's penis whispering was a powerful and natural cure

for wimpy weenies. I know this from first hand experience, so to speak. Dora had a way with impotence that could only be described as miraculous. Once, she talked my penis into

'rising from the dead like King Tut' by singing ancient Phoenician curses & tying a ribbon round it 3 times. Unfortunately the spell didn't wear off & Dora had to hit it with a

catalytic converter from a '57 Chevy blessed by seven impotent Druidic priests as foretold in the Book of the Almost Dead. The metal crashed down with a sound like