"What I want neither you nor anybody else

of garbage & despair. "But if you give me your wallet now," she continued with a toothless smile, "it will help." Her eyes were flat as she showed me her weapon: a plastic gun.

I handed over my wallet without hesitation. How did she know of my terrible allergy to polycarbonate plastics? A lucky guess? I watched as she rifled through my wooden credit cards

until she found my polished mahogany mastercard. "I'll take that one, thank you very much," she said, throwing the unwanted pine, spruce and larch credit cards into the woodburning

hamster roaster. What good was an exclusive credit card without some tasty meat to buy? Some gals want their steak dinners, but she wanted EXCLUSIVE. The mahogony mastercard

not only bought her all the hamsters she could ever possibly roast, but they were free-range, organic hamsters, bred without fur for easy roasting. She stuffed several into the

The Billie and checked on them every so often. They were to be served with braised cauliflower and broccoli topped with Cheddar sauce. The Billie was what they used daily to cook

on top of. He was a flat chested boy with divots on his pecs where you could fit a saucepan full of whatever culinary concoction you were working on. When angered, his surface temp

files washed up on his skin & made it quite evident that he liked using .bat files. It became dangerously TMI when world_destruction.exe.bak appeared on his forehead like a tattoo.

He argued with another IT rogue whether it made sense to perform a backup of the world's destruction which became moot when God's blue screen appeared, separating waters from sky.