Wind whipped around the corners of the buildings,

one of the most vicious riots in history was quelled with the government's most recently developed chemical weapon. It was intended to cause paralysis, but in some, it mutated and

caused them to be obsessed with ESPN. It cooked their brains until they actually thought they were on the sports team that they watched on TV. They wore jerseys but had 50 gallon

beer bellies. They preferred to be referred to as "chick magnets."

They are fairly similar to a species of bipedal primates who possess the uncanny ability to increase and adapt the size of their

ego. Having evolved beyond vocal communication they were able to advance at nearly the speed of thought. But, they were flawed: they had acquired the most minuscule

mental lisp. The thought spread through the collective and he spoke: I am Locuth. Rethithtance ith futile. The bridge crew began to giggle and Wesley wet himself. The Borg

quickly spun in a circle glaring at everyone, his interface points started to smoke and he broke into an old soft shoe twitch dance. St. Vitus pance and a thisp! No! Kill me pleth

Bethore I chokthe on thith thimble I sthwallowth!" Horrified, servant robot butler Jasper sprang into action. Asimov's laws compelled it to perform a Heimlich maneuver, saving him.

And so Jasper, unknowingly had saved the life of the person that would be known as George W. Bush. Hearing these news, years later, Jasper committed suicide. RIP