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The slow motion aliens have finally landed.

  • The slow motion aliens have finally landed. Everything in the world slowed down to a crawl. "It is to teach the human race patience & to learn to take time to smell the roses," the

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  • Emperor Snailien decreed. The sudden slowing of Earth's rotation sent many of the lighter Earthlings skyward, but it was a small price. Florists sent thank you messages via dial-up

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  • Internet access. Emperor Snailien closed airports and promoted international travel by sailing ships. Letters were to be hand written in fine calligraphy. People walked rather than

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  • hopped and skipped rather than walked. All swimming strokes were banned except breaststroke. Only clockwise stirring was allowed when making custard. Emperor Snailien beheaded many

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  • a friend and foe for stirring in the wrong direction. Did they actually think they could get delicious perfection from improper strokes of the custard? All singing must be done in

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  • Swahili. This fool obviously did not go to the School of Culinary Arts for Custard. Stirring counter-clockwise is absurd!!

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  • "You don't want to start a cyclone in your custard bowl, now do you?" The cooking class stared at the instructor, who continued, "Hasn't anyone heard of the Coriolis Effect?"

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  • Blank stares. Finally someone said "Is that that new one on Bravo?" Disgusted, the cooking instructor said "No, nevermind, look, just mix the scalded milk mixture into the eggs and

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  • beef chorizo." The cooking instructor was already thinking about tonight's date. Her name? Matilda. Race? Chinese Mexican. Blab-factor: Mucho annoying. He couldn't wait until

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  • she was deported. But until then, he'd stir the pot a little more & also invite her hot Polish-Somalian friend along on their date. He loved cooking & going around the world.

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