Listening to FUNK music, not only makes me

it took me years to grow this beauty, and I can rock it. The strobe lights were going, and the place smelled like BBQ potato chips and Twizzlers. I grabbed a Zima from the bar and

a handful of deep-fried cockroaches from the snack plate. Yeah, I was going to get lucky tonight, even if it was with the freaky dude in the corner dancing with the stuffed fox.

Snatching a handful of cockroaches and stuffing them into my mouth, I remembered too late that I had forgotten to bring my dental floss. Will she be turned off by the site of the

cockroaches in my mouth? I hope she still thinks Im sexy, cause without her Id be nothing. I want back to the panda tribe leader and told him I was ready anyways. I put on my jeans

over the panda's legs. We were both a size 54. I love this panda so much that I was going to dress it up like a person and walk out of China with it.

But I hit a glitch when this beautiful panda told me that she didn't think of me 'that way' & she preferred a nice cup of tea & a bamboo sandwich to sex anyway & perhaps we should

just play chess. I figured I could break the panda's sex defenses down with time so agreed to the tea, sandwich, and games. She opened with the Queen's gambit. I scratched, and pul

led a eucalyptus leaf out of my cummerbund, placed it in the jaws of my King's knight, and declined the gambit with a treat. Then I realized: Dammit! That's for koalas! Panda Sex

tets prefer bamboo. So I proffered my hand instead, a lovely work of art created by an elderly Chinese man who wrought magic out used take-out chopsticks.