I stepped across the threshold of the decrepit

said an old woman. "Agh!" I screamed and shrugged her hand away from my shoulder. "Who the hell are you?" I asked. "My name is ETHAN BRADBERRY and that's my burnt house." replied

a crow perching on her shoulder. I took a double take. "Yes, I can speak and you will burn birdhouses nevermore! Caw caw caw"t ETHAN BRADBERRY flapped his charcoal black wings and

disappeared into the think fog, never to be seen again. The girl scratched her head. "Why did the talking crow yell, 'Ethan Bradberry?'" She pondered this question when

she considered that crows are crafty creatures and that its message might be an anagram. Hm. Brandy breather? Thy barren beard? Nerdy barber hat

All possible. She wondered why a crow might pass secret messages about brandy, beards, or barber hats. Perhaps she was in danger from a drunk barber with magnificent facial hair.

And what the heck is a "barber hat", anyway? Just then, Aubrey the drunken barber appeared, hat in hand. "Please ignore that crow," he said to her, "Alls I want is to ask you to

marry me." Awesome, she'd save loads on her hair which she cut in a bob. "Oh, Yes! But, Aubrey, what of your booze issues." "I'm 100% sober. Now, let's find a plumber to marry us o

ver and over so the poor plumber stays employed.” I hated that solution since the plumber was going to charge an $80 service call just for showing up each time he married us. That

is twice as much as the segue fee I pay Ima monthly. My other wife, Siffo, has a bar fee I must pay every week at least 5000 Yen, so the plumber at least keeps us married and