Communication is an act of faith, and I lost

Yet, here I was, kneeling down in solemn prayer, ready to speak to my maker. Tears filled my eyes as I bowed my head and folded my arms.

"Lord," I began, "I am not a praying man-" but God interrupted. "Why do people always say that?"spake the lord, "you're praying now, aren't you?What are you trying to pull?" I was

flummoxed. "Nothing," I mumbled,getting up off my knees. "Never mind." "'Wait!" said the Lord. "Just messin' with you. What is it that you want from Me?" I hesitated & then blurted

"Oh Lord, Glory of the Universe, Father of Jesus, the Most Holy, could you please..., please, could you let Tuna Lafunda win on The Bachelor Pad Life Coach-0-Rama tonight. She's my

favorite chef / eye candy and it would be SO SAD if she got kicked off so early! I promise to never again take your name in vain. If you let Ms Lafunda stay, I'll even do

nate my kidney, which is a perfect match for you. Oh please let Ms Lafunda stay!" Ol' Scrooge knitted his brows:His life saved at the expense of feeding another (slutty) mouth. Hmm

O what the Dickens, why not! Ms. Lafunda donated a kidney & Crachit performed the operation, but since he was nearsighted Ol' Scrooge got an extra pancreas & way too much insulin

So he looked like a dead skunk in the middle of the road, stinkin' to high heaven. Scrooge knew he was a prime candidate for death by chocolate. Ms. Lafunda bought him a special

coffin shaped like a Hershey’s Kiss wrapper in which Scrooge poured the remains of the skunk. He then poured melted 86% cacao into it, let it set and delivered it to his nephew.