When I write a book

, there are more important considerations. Who will play the lead when I sell the movie rights? Do I get a limo for the book tour? What about Happy Meal toys? Although unpublished,

I worry about the Ukrainian translator not getting the references to Scooby Doo. Not published OR written, in fact. Sacking my agents takes time + emotional toil & my writer's bloc

k wasn't going to describe itself. My writer's block was ... um. It was like a ... one of those, uh, what do you call those? *Phone rings*. "Great! Just when I was getting going."

I answered the phone. A cheery voice said, "Do you suffer from writer's block?" "No." "Well than do I have a deal for you! for an easy payment of 19.95 you can get

one of those.. writer's blocks? Duh... Stupid stupid stupid. I can't write anything. I hate this job.." I was rather confused. "So you're blocked writing yourtelemarketing scipt?"

the evil homonculus on my left shoulder inquired. "It is not just telemarketing copy," I rebuked. "It will double as an award-winning, internationally-acclaimed theatrical play and

travel brochure." "I don't care if it wins the Pulitzer," the evil homonculus said, "you will burn it or your mother will die. There is no other way." As it turned out, there was.

I burned the travel brochure as the the evil homonculus demanded but not before scanning it. My mother could live and I would still have this beautiful travel brochure of the

Never ever land which didn't actually exist. I used this brochure, that I made, to imagine a happier time and place, to put my troubles behind me. And that I did.