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I was at an avant garde concert. It was super

  • I was at an avant garde concert. It was super quiet & then BANGBANGBANG!! a helluva noise. The 6 month foetus in my womb starjumped into my lungs. Would that permanently affect it?

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  • Although the universe is full of people who've been permanently affected - a starjump is a serious dislocation. My foetus new birth mother was an Alpha Centauran with 3 headstalks

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  • attached her neckstalks. The starjump I took to avoid my ex-girlfriend had taken me to a strange, strange, world. The planet was in some glactic amniotic plasma.

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  • At least that is what I promised myself it was. It tasted awful & it made moving around the planet quite difficult. Especially when we had a time limit. I stopped a native lifeform

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  • to ask for directions, hoping he wouldn't have some terrible accent. "Please speak Basic," I pleaded. The amphibioid raised an incredulous eyestalk, then rightfully patronized me.

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  • "Me hungry," said the amphibioid with sarcastic loudness, pointing with it's claw to its scaly abdomen, "We want eat you. You die. Me eat. Got it?" "Didn't you come in peace? I ask

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  • you for clemency!" The amphibioid rolled back in a hearty laugh. "Bwahaha! No clemency! Me eat you now!" And so it ate me. Now I just had to find a way out of its stomach. Hmmmm...

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  • As I surveyed my surroundings, I noticed that the walls of the amphibioid's stomach were slimy and slick, making it difficult to get a grip. But I refused to give up and started ..

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  • slicing little nicks into its stomach wall with my nail file, so I could dig my hands in, get purchase and start the slow climb up its oesphagus. But what would be

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  • would be , We're going to Wembley, Que sera sera.

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