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The biggest fall-out from the Green's victory

  • The biggest fall-out from the Green's victory was the axing of Top Gear. It had increasingly become a guilty pleasure but when the end came, Jeremy, Richard and James

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  • held each other and wept. Top Gear was a total accident that had breathed life into them for a moment. They'd been losers before that. Women ignored them, family pitied them and

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  • their piers (none in their view) rejected them. Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond, James May and the Stig were out of work again, thank God. I was sick of them stinking up the Air

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  • Port with grease and stale sweat whenever they travelled overseas on one of their Top Gear specials. In its place was a new show about driving very slowly, called

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  • "Pokey Trundle." They planned to film in Florida and hoped to get a laugh. They were in the upper 4000's in the cable lineup so they didn't really have to do that much. The host,

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  • a resurrected corpse of 60's-era Charlie Sheen, Richard Dawson, just sat back and inhaled his own flatulence and commanded the Floridians to entertain him. "It's cable, bitch," he

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  • belched a toxic mixture of

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  • Maalox & pop rocks. His date turned away, disgusted, grabbed her clothes & left. He lay there in the darkness, miserable & confused. Dr. Angry Pants said there'd be days like this.

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  • He decided that he needed to give up his relationship repelling vices and be his own man. No more Maalox, no more pop rocks, just clean living from now on.

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  • He bought some fruits and decided to make a fruit salad.By the time he had chopped halfway through the first banana the fone rang and relapse was on the line.

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