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"I always hum Greensleeves when I'm feeling

  • "I always hum Greensleeves when I'm feeling depressed." said the ugly spotty teenage girl, as she stared at me through her nerdy glasses. "What do you do?" she asked me.

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  • "I walk on the shore of deeply polluted lakes. When I don't jump in, I feel better about myself, my life, and the world." The girl was impressed, but still depressed. I decided

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  • to elaborate. "If I swam in the polluted lake, I'd emerge covered in turds. But turd-free I have the strength of a violent yak." The girl said she'd love to chat more but had to l

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  • eave so she could luxuriate in the shower for the next six hours. What a stinker! It was a fib, but all of this talk of raw sewage was making her feel like she was going to yak.

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  • Thoughts of raw sewage brought back memories of the miley sirus concert she had attended the previous week. Her thoughts were interrupted by a giant panda that burst through the

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  • zoo's cheap plexi-glass. The Panda was free. She'd been dreaming about this moment forever. She pointed her revolver at a Russian tourist and said, "You, go over by the lion

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  • Den and tell Leo he will be fed something special today. " The Russian tourist said okay. Leo was quite curious as to what this treat was and the tourist said, "I don't know!"

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  • They waited together to find out what Leo's special meal would be. The Russian remarked upon Leo's fine mane. Leo purred contentedly. Then his stomach growled & they both realised

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  • it was no coincidence vodka, caviar and borscht were all on Leo's list of favorite things.The Russian gulped & pictured himself INSIDE the lion."Look, Leo, I'll take you out to eat

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  • fancy pizza sometime. It's more than 2000 dollars a slice. Hehehehe."

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