I thought that Japan was attached to China,

But then I ordered the GeoSafari (*dramatization*)! Now I rattle off world capitals and archipelago latitudes with ease (*results not typical*). For only $49.95 (*plus S&H*), you

must hat me because I am a geography nerd but I know where random crap is in the world, SO that make me extra strength and you just regular strength.

But no! I am super strength because my extreme historical knowledge means I know all the monarchs of England since 1485. Hat me! Richard III, Henry VII, Henry VIII, Edward VI, Ma

Bell IV, Bob VIII, Bon Jovi LXIX, Nippletoes I, Raymond Luxury Yacht (pronounced Throat-warbler Mangrove) IX -- "Wait a second," interjected the headmaster. "Those aren't English

cucumbers you have there in your lunchbox, are they? Strictly forbidden!" Clearly, the headmaster was trying to change the subject. He grabbed my cucumbers & I just went ballistic,

slinging grapes, at the headmaster who ran away with my cucumbers in his slimy grasp. Fortunately a stray ketchup packet lay waiting on the floor, with a sickening squish the head

master lay on the ground. I took my cucumbers from the headmaster's prone form. "That'll teach you to steal students' lunch/beauty products," I said sweetly before crushing his

testicles between my thumb & forefinger. I had wanted to do that to the headmaster for a long time & now that I'd recovered the cucumbers & rendered him unconcsious, I felt great!

Cucumber like revenge should be served cold with freshly plucked peppermint. The head mistress complimented me for the delicious dish but I wouldn't divulge the secret ingredient.