I almost always get a little teary eyed at

lose myself into the person's greatness because I am just that impressionable. I walked around with my eyes closed and ear plugs, just to be like Helen Keller, which pissed my

Mother off. Everything pissed off Mother. She reminds me of mommy dearest, but I would never dare tell her. In order to ignore her I pretend to be Helen Keller, Scarface, and

various Sesame Street characters. If only I could find a way to stick to the ceiling, like spiderman. She would never see me there!

I had to find a hiding place. As they came closer, I quickly realized they weren't normal Muppets - these were freakin' undead zombie Muppets! Stifling a scream, I

looked on in horror. Cookie monster just spit out the chewed up head of Mr. Pooper or was it Looper? I can't remember. To distract the unmuppets I sang the alphabet song, "A is

for Azzazle!" and of course, as he is prone to, Azzazle. Until he said his name backwards - ELZAZZA - he would reamain and confront the unmuppets for me. Unfortunately, he has a

2:30 doctor's appointment that absolutely cannot be rescheduled, and had to leave. All alone, the unmuppets surrounded me and drew guns. "Any last words, asshole?" asked Unkermit.

“Yeah. Your momma was a catfish and your daddy was a Leprechaun,” I said. Enraged, Unkermit dropped his gun and lunged for my hand. The rest of the unmuppets started shooting

and I went down like a sack a potatoes. Y'know, it never does go down like in the movies. My advice: when the unmuppets take Manhattan, it's best just to let 'em take it.