"Jimmy died today. He blew his brains out

Ever teenage girl that crossed Jimmy's path, fell in love with him. Now that Jimmy had committed suicide, they all wanted to do the same. Sales of rope, bleach and drugs increased.

It was only when radio stations started playing the "Happy Happy Bounce Bounce" song that the teenagers reconsidered suicide. The Euro Dance hit "Happy Happy Bounce Bounce" was

being watched carefully by Chinese government officials as a possible population control strategy. They decided ti give it a try. Sadly, 开心快乐退回的退回，压铸模具成为一个一击。

And then it was so sad that even the Chinese minder who was supposed to be tracking them broke down in sobs. His tears touched a member of the Politburo who had a change of

underwear hidden in a secret compartment in his briefcase. He took out a pair of mint green camiknickers edged in coffee coloured lace and threw them at the Chinese spy who blew hi

s girlfriend's sister a kiss yesterday. That should keep the fellow guessing. That spy sure had looked an awful lot like Mr. Wong. He'd better hope that Mrs. Wong didn't find out.

It was like something put of a movie. Peter Sellers would have bern proud of me. As a membef of the Goon Show, he was hilarious. My mum got me into the habit of watching

my weight. I stood on a scale and watched it. During the Goon Show it was rather erratic, but during David Attenborough's hushed wildlife commentary it was steady. I theorized that

mass is affected by volume. This could be huge! I set up a research project and gained funding from several heavy-metal labels. Unfortunately I later died from lead-poisoning.