"PLYMOUTH COLONY MASSACRED!" the headlines

"Risibility"? There's a word I'd never heard. I googled "The ability or tendency to laugh." That's what I like about "News of the World". The reader's edification. Such a shame it

happened that they hacked my FoldingStory account. All my lame jokes and quirky dialogue was now on Wikileaks for all the world to see. Receiving a call from the Secret Service,

while I was driving, I foolishly answered it just a bike cop walked next to my car. Damn. He knocked on the window, I pressed the button to roll it down, but it was broken so

he rode me to HQ in his bike. "I wasn't resisting arrest, officer," I pled, squirming in the basket. The murderer next to me glared and pushed back. "Down in front!" the cop yelled

. "Hey Toto," the murderous terrier in the basket with me addressed me, "Yousa be my prison bitch." I needed to prove my innocence to the police witch on the bike, or lose it.

Toto the murderous terrier snickered. We knew the police witch Dr. was up to no good. And no one ever got out of this prison alive with all their limbs. That's it! I have an idea..

I decided to sacrifice one of my limbs to the prison warden. Who needed two arms anyway? I could get out of prison fine with one. Afterwards, Toto the murderous terrier and I

made a dash for it when the prison warden was conveniently looking away.We would have escaped as planned, except that my arm stump left a bloody trail, which led the Flying Monkeys

to sniff us out in a matter of minutes. As their shrill screeches descended upon us, I realized that we only had one choice left: To break the glass and press the button.