Dragging through yet another day. I remember

But that was before I'd left earth and moved to this stupid planet where the gravitational pull was 2.3 times greater.

Man, you think it's hard to get out of bed on a NORMAL day, try doing it on this planet. Then you might grasp the gravity of the situation. Ha! See what I did there?

"Yeah, I see it." he said. "Congrats on taking a dump in a bush. Now help me get out of this quicksand whirlpool before I get lost in the Quixotl Quagmire you". His words were lost

behind the dry gargling of sand pouring into his mouth. The last of him slipped beneath the lightning sand, never to be seen again. Someone screamed. Just like that, he was dead.

So... there he was, dead in the desert. Years later, a caravan from Arabie was passing through the dunes. A Tuareg jumped off his camel. He'd spotted a skeletal hand gripping

a...What was that? The Tuareg (Ted was his name) shuffled through the sand to take a better look at what the skeleton hand was holding. It was a perfectly preserved Pez dispenser.

The Pez dispenser held by the Skeleton was shaped like a gun and had the name Ted engraved on it. Ted picked up the Pez dispenser and examined it carefully. It appeared to shoot

gold teeth. The skeleton smiled at Ted. (What else could it do?) "We've been waiting a long time for you, Ted. Candy?" Ted dropped the Pez gun and reached for his holy fly-swatter.

Too late! He looked into 2 pits where a pair of emerald Pez glowed, hypnotizing him. When Ted woke a giant thumb flipped his head back dispensing a licorice pez. He hated licorice.