Something about that blue house on the hill

solve since it wasn't actually blue. I forgot that I was wearing these blue-tinted shades to keep my mood melancholy. Too much hapiness in my manic state takes over. I'm likely to

start being nice to people; treating them with anything other than surly indifference or even, god forbid, start smiling. This simply wouldn't do. I resolved to keep my cool and

my awesome bomber jacket 'ala Top Gun. The mirrored sunglasses and weightlifiting gloves were totally boss. I strutted around the gym taking it all in, where would I unleash

the pythons today? I shed my bomber jacket and tossed it next to the heavy bag with an extra loud grunt. I could tell the other gym rats all thought I was the bomb because they

all stared at me as I got ready to lift. In retrospect, I realize that I was a car wreck from which they couldn't look away. "Why didn't anybody tell me my ass was so big?" I think

it's everyone's responsibility to constantly remind their friends about their buttock circumferences, so when my friends didn't let me know, I was mad. I dropped my

pants, handed them a ruler, and said, "Measure my butt!" They were hesitant, but when I told them they could just measure its radius and then multiply by 2 times pi, they obliged.

Being a nerd bully was the epitome of cool, from my point of view. I triumphantly stood there, while my buttocks were being measured, waiting for the result. "Humm, Jimmy? your ass

is covered in genetically modified leeches. I'm surprised you haven't noticed..." I nearly fainted. "What??" I shouted, flailing my arms. "I thought that river was chlorinated!"