I named my first born Mountain Dew because

of the Irish folk song The Rare Old Mountain Dew. It goes "hi dee diddley idle dum, hi dee doodle dydle dum, hi dee doo dye diddly aye day" after each line

you take a swig of Guiness and raise the mug to the old country. Then you slam your steins in to the hearth and dance the night in straight lines tapping to the bodhran.

Curls bouncing and eyes laughing, you skillfully double click your heels and execute a series of sevens that would make any Irish dancer turn green with envy. Maeve stepped over

the dead cloggers. Maeve was going to win this Irish dance off! That is until her perfect red coiffed bob flew off and hit one of the judges at the table. "Damnit! You spilled my

V-8." The judge immediately lost balance and fell to his right side and cracked his head wide open. OMG! He was a fraud!! His head was filled with delicious jelly beans! Score

I love the red ones that tasted just like fruit punch. Yumm - O! I mean really how was I supposed to stay professional with all the beautiful jelly beans rolling around

just begging to be eaten? They were asking for it. I cast off all professional decorum and tore into them all with claw and tooth, the children on the street forever scarred as I

Left the bones for the winged scavengers overhead, who must have numbered in the thousands. Klingons stopped by the look at the bones. Klingom #1 said, "This was the work of dogs."

Klingon#2 said "It was your vulkan relatives."#1 for lack of a better reply said "Your mama!" They each chopped off a finger to settle their differences.The vultures appreciated it