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Her penetrating stare bored into my brain.

  • Her penetrating stare bored into my brain. What the hell had I screwed up now. It wasn't Her birthday or our anniversary. It's June dammit what holiday did I mis? "What?" I ask

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  • . She replied through clenched teeth, "Today marks the third year we decided to match socks when putting them in a drawer!" I smiled, "But, I didn't forget. Surprise!" I handed her

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  • her ass on a plate. "Nobody," I screamed, "but nobody ever accuses me of forgetting an anniversary!" She always knew I'd had a short temper, but perhaps she'd underestimated my

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  • tempered steel broadsword! *WOOSH*, went the blade as its sheer weight gave it the necessary momentum to cleave the boat in two. She was horrified. Luckily I got the half with the

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  • DJ equipment, the boat started sinking. My side submerged faster with the extra weight but I thought it was worth it. She threw the broadsword at me, but at the last second I

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  • ducked, flicked up the reserve mainsail with a brilliantly aimed karate chop & the boated righted itself. The DJ equipment magically restored itself & Dolly Parton

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  • got on the decks and started splicing together a medley of Wu-Tang Clan's greatest hits. The crowd went bananas. Dolly was tearing it up, cutting and scratching like a pro.

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  • The Tennessee Scrap Booking Olympics had never seen someone like Dolly Parton who was their official DJ at the Paste & Glue Social, she mixed the uncanny

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  • wit and social satire needed for just such an occasion. She would stroll though the crowds smiling and waving, even as everyone marveled at

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  • her marvelous bouncing bosoms. It was like two cantaloupes were rattling around in the basket on the front of a bicycle driven by a hyperactive kid with Tourette Syndrome.

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