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"Ik ben een bannan!" "No you aren't. You

  • "Ik ben een bannan!" "No you aren't. You are not a banana." This is the conversation I overheard at the airport and this is why I decided to learn Dutch.

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  • I had some Dutch descendants, and it seemed intriguing. Plus, there was this really hot Dutch girl that I

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  • was super frightened of. I would spend all day at school doing my best to hide from the Dutch girl. The heat that radiated from her was enough to melt a person's brain. Scary.

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  • All the other kids at school had amazing superpowers, some as scary as the Dutch girl, whereas I could do nothing more than change the color of any surface I touched. My professor

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  • , who had mastered the power of exploding corpses, kept me after class. "Lonnie," he sighed. "We must address your deficiencies re: conductivity of light." On the board, he

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  • had to write lines 100 times. By the end of the day Lonnie's fingers were tired and his hands were covered in white powder. The professor of necromancy

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  • smiled and tapped his fingers on the table. "Have you learnt your lesson?" he asked. Lonnie nodded dolefully. "Good," he said. "Now I'd like you to write a hundred more lines,"

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  • He sighed and went back to the command line. Writing lines of code in Diabolic C# used to be lots of fun but not so much lately. It still felt good when everything compiled but it

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  • Was a tough art to practise, not to mention read. Of the high school class of 2020, just 1% could read musical script to begin with. This didn't mean they weren't musicians...

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  • They were just illiterate. In fact, by the time 2020 rolled around, almost no one could even read normal books. But when all the phones mysteriously died, suddenly, everyone could.

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