Taking a page from the Pointer Sisters, Tabitha

"all my systems are down, down ,down." We need to get this ship operational quickly. We don't want

to disturb the gravitational fields in this area! But how else are we going to get away from this place? How about we

use one of our last incendiary grenades to disrupt the pull? Maybe, just maybe, we can escape after the explosion! That is...if the Vo'ox Gurgins don't notice our plan!

Unfortunately, noticing our plan was exactly what the Vo'ox Gurgins did, and soon we were in an even deeper pickle as they had us strapped to some sort of mysterious device that

apparently people waited in line for hours to buy. It was a giant thin signaless cell phone with no key pad but a really glitchy touchscreen. They strapped it to our heads, I

cried but they made us wear them. "What the hell does Steve Jobs care what we get up to?" I asked. "Freedom! Attica! I'll look at any sort of porn I like!" and I stomped on his

desk and smashed the flatscreen, overturned the houseplant and screamed at the top of my lungs. I ripped the phone out of its place and through it out the window. "Porn is free!"

Then I stopped and looked at all the damage around me. All of this? Had been for free porn? And how did I "through" that phone anyway? My life had suddenly become very sad.

It became tragic when I discovered virtual diseases can be contracted by unprotected phone sex.