The creature unfurled it's tentacles towards

Nicole Richie's "Vaginal Kraken" feasted on their flesh, Adam made the mistake of looking right into it's eye, and he thought of the Sarlacc Pit. He wanted to live so

he had no choice but to unzip and release the Anaconda. The mammoth trouser snake attacked the Vaginal Kraken and there was much crying and gnashing of teeth. After 40 days and 40

nights Hercules couldn't take it anymore. Trying to sleep in this den of iniquity was hopeless. He took out his cimitar and chopped of the wailing heads. The cacophany subsided.

Then he felt lonely. Still daydreaming about pancakes (if you can even daydream at night), Hercules got up and ransacked an IHOP and sat down to a god-sized platter of pancakes

after killing the cooks he made more pancakes. using the biggest pan he could find to made one big pancake. When he tried to flip it he hit himself forehead. Hercules died hungry

and lonely. Years later, Hercules' evil twin would remember this event as the day that

he became Jerkules, Hercules's arch nemesis. He mounted Gregasus, his noble steed, and set off to find Billoctetes, the trainer of mythical Roman anti-heroes.

I found him at the Collosseum where he was busy humilliating gladiators. 'You're not supposed to win, you morons!' he screamed at them. Yep, that was Billoctetes all right. I took

him by the hand and dragged him out of there. The gladiators cheered as we left the building. They then went back to knitting their loincloths.