A penguin, a nun, a rabbi, santa claus, a

"You think I'd dress like this?" The penguin left. The giraffe ordered a tall one. The Nun: a Virgin Mary. The Rabbi: Trix. The Mime: Nothing. St. Nick and Lawyer

Sawyer BeDoyer looked up and noticed they were standing under the mistletoe. An uncomfortable silence ensued. St. Nick cleared his throat. "So, uh, counselor, where are we on the

naughty list?" A creepy chuckle erupted from St. Nick as he approached Sawyer. The Christmas innuendos didn't end there however as he said, "I got a

huge sack that needs emptying tonight." Sawyer began to shake with fear and disgust. He reached for his panic alarm but the bearded man in red threw a reindeer at his head. Blood

Gushed out of his nose, so Sawyer had to change his clothes. Santa left quickly. There were too many places to go today! He went to Sam's Club and paid cash. The cashier was quite

mistrustful of unfamiliar faces and insisted on only cash. The cashier got coal in his stocking that year. You'd think St. Nick would be worried about global warming living at the

single point on the world that is perpendicular to the equator's plane and north of Canada, however he wasn't, Santa figured that if global warming got out of hand, he could just

trade his sleigh for a hovercraft and wear a red wetsuit and a white bathing cap and bring sunscreen to all the good little children of the world. But he would not shave his beard.

So instead he donned a bullet proof cape & tight Lycra unitard & set out to hand out Satan Clause comics to all the children of life altering tragic events.