Bang!!!!!!!

Which is, of course, much louder than bang! but nowhere near as loud as bang!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wasn't sure if it was a canon, C-4 explosive, or something else...but I knew it was big

and if you get your mind in the gutter you might understand what my point here is. Because when I tell you, I tell you! It's big, HUGE!, 'explosive' is barely enough to describe

how huge it really is!I'd had to invent new words - nay, a new way for our Body to speak! - to describe the unfathomable ginormusness of it!And still,it was but a speck compared to

my pet spider, Goliath. He eats birds, insects, and occasionally small rodents. I even saw the leftovers of a foot once. I couldn't be sure it was him, but there cobwebs everywhere

except here under this noose. Goliath, my pet spider has a tattoo of a noose on two of his arms. I called to him, "Goliath sweety, where are you?"

"...urrpppppppppp," Goliath belched. "I'm over here feasting on this French Poodle's anal sac...very tasty...yum!" I didn't like to disturb my pet spider when he was eating, so I

instead I watched an episode of that seventies show until I realized the house was getting darker and colder. My pet spider now done eating the dog was shaking uncontrollably

and scratching at fleas so tiny that only a spider could have them. I turned on the lights, turned up the furnace and gave my spider a flea dip. He squirmed and shot silk at me,

covering my face and hands. The fleas were gone, but the silk - smooth and clean as a first winter's snow - remained. "Damn good silk," I said, "Damn good." And so it began.