As I gazed over the canyon filled with squid,

killed them for the next 10 years since I killed at the rate I counted. I returned home to 12 grown kids and a remarried wife. "Sorry, dear," my wife said, "But if you counted fast

you need a new watch". My ex-wife then handed me a gold Rolex watch as a gift. I wondered what I had done to deserve such an expensive gift. The card attached said

"Times up!" Then the Rolex exploded in my face. That bitch! I had plenty of time to think about how to retaliate while I was cooped up at the VA recovering. My ex-wife was gonna

be surprised when I yelled "Shoryuken!" and uppercutted her with a flying dragon punch. Then I'd do a backbreaker on her and finish her off by tearing out her spine. My colostomy b

ag needed to be emptied, so I paused the game. I'll spare you the gruesome details. Anyway, I had just dismembered my girlfriends Mortal combat character when her phantom limbs

started caressing me. Heavy petting is great, but when your girlfriend's phantom limbs are doing the heavy petting, it's so sexual that

your cock goes as hard as a rock, and before the heavy petting is over, it rips through your trousers.

That is last time you will smuggle a rooster through customs. (flag save!) Fighting roosters don't travel well in cargo pants and after picking up the shreds of cloth at security,

you'd be lucky to even having your own rooster intact enough to have sacrificed your dignity. Those talons are sharp, is what I'm saying. And security will still grope you.