Nary a visitor to the gorilla cage would

she discovered her own feces and masturbation and that's when her life turned around because

she was so utterly moved by both of them. From that point forward she travelled the world looking at people masturbating and pooping. I should add that this was before the internet

and thus it was quite a journey. From Peru to China, from Australia to Germany, she traveled far and wide to see such sinful acts; some in public, some in private.. all disturbing.

Some called her a prophet for it, others called her a genius. However, most called her a weirdo, because who would in god's name would find it pleasurable to watch a llama

being mounted by an elephant on drugs. Nevertheless, people trusted her. She was able to do the most amazing things no one could do with that llama, including

, well, I don't need to tell you. I'm sure your perverted little mind can just imagine how our little Bodil Jorgenson-wannabe made herself popular. You sluts, you. Dirty little

hors d'oeuvres scattered on the floor! You slobs! Is this how you treat me after the free room and board your mother and I provide? Don't give us that "I'm three!" BS! It's time

to learn the MC Hammer Dance! Even at 3 years old, I knew the humiliation of putting on those gold lame pants and dancing around our living room. How can I ever face the gang at

Chuck E. Cheese's now? Not that it mattered - even the smallest of them could still beat me at Pac-Man.