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Oh hunchback mama please ring my bell some

  • Oh hunchback mama please ring my bell some dark and moonless night. I've got a chemistry set and Tesla coils and I'll make you feel

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  • sparks off my fly-wheel. Just pull my levers and turn my crank and we can set the place on fire! Be my hunchbacked one-eyed one I love, and I will be your mad baby! Root-a-toot!

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  • But everyone just let Grandpa be. He'd gone totally sideways after Alec Tribec shaved his mustache. He started drinking sherry out of the bottle screaming root-a-too! My sister

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  • would watch Jeopardy online at 7, and then with Grandpa at 7:30. "What is 'Toot Too Root' by The Gaylords?" she said correctly. She'd also predicted A.T.'s six references to Canada

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  • and annoyingly affected pronunciations of words like croissant. If only the announcer had such problems, she'd be able to tell if it was Trebek or Trevek. After decades of viewing

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  • Mexican words in writing, she decided to pass a law enabling the semi-phonetic spelling of all linguistically dissociated words. To sum up, "phonetic" was safe. "José" was not.

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  • The only stumbling block was that nobody could understand the law. Gosh dang! Who needs more language professors more then the Mexicans!

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  • At least that's how I explained my choice of Spanish literature as a major to my conservative parents. But when I started to tilt at imaginary windmills during

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  • their inquisition, I thought perhaps I should also inform them about my plans to go to Amsterdam for a semester of study abroad. I craved new ideas, new cultures, and fast women.

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  • I supposed the hookers in Amsterdam would be fast enough for me! I'd heard that the hash bars there were now closed to tourists. But i knew I'd find someone who could hook me up.

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