When I was a child we would go down to the

was usually eaten, sometimes two. But it was always worth it to see that fool kraken take a rock to the noggin. I remember one time when the kraken had Shamus by the leg and Pauly

Shore was pulling an all-nighter to prepare for his role in Pauly Shore Is Dead. The Kraken dragged Shamus by the leg and told Pauly, "Look man, you either smoke this rock or

--" Pauly Shore was too stoned to hear what lewd thing the imaginary Kraken was saying. He didn't even notice the Shamus dragging him off to jail (thought it was the Kraken),

He was taken from his cell to the visitors room. The Kraken was waiting. "I am accredited by the Law Society, Cephalopod Division. You're accused of blasphemy, Pauly Shore, vile

consumption of calamari, and not being dead. This ol' seabeast has a mind to show you mercy, Pauly Shore, on one condition." "What's that, lawyer Kraken? Tentacle eroti-" "NO! Just

taste a morsel of this instead & once you do, you'll never again wish to assault your senses with mere calmari. Taste, then I'll release you." Kraken held it up to Pauly' s lips.

But Pauly would have none of Kraken's cuisine. He pursed his lips tight and shook his head like a petulant child resisting vegetables. Enraged, Kraken rose to his full majesty and

roared, "You don't know who you're messing with, kid!" With a giant sweep of one arm, the Kraken knocked Pauly off his feet. Ol' Krakie couldn't stand for insubordination.

Stars circled his head cartoonishly. Stupidity was doable. Insubordination wasn't. The Kraken pushed Pauly overboard & submitted a Craigslist ad for a new audio/sound technician .