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All I did was look into his eyes and he knew

  • All I did was look into his eyes and he knew just what I meant.Too bad he was a product of my imagination cause the man on my bed didn't know me at all.I was done wasting time on

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  • laxitives and started to black out as liquid shit shot out of my ass and into the tub. My imaginary man friend never broke eye contact with me, which was a

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  • bit unnerving. Even though he wasn't really there, I expected that he would at least feign giving me some privacy while my breakfast and lunch splattered all around me. The stench

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  • from Tony the Tiger was unbelievable. He'd just come back from an Ironman Triathelon and reeked of BO and cat urine. He poured himself some co co puffs, but I didn't say anything

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  • about the rather blatant cross-marketing scheme occurring right in front of my face. Some say it was because I'm desensitized, I would blame the pungent smell of Tiger Marathon

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  • on my disability. I havnt been able to work since i smelt that disgusting odour which came from the planet

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  • of shit. NEXT TIME ON 'RETURN TO SHIT PLANET: "Oh JESUS," moaned the captain, vomiting uncontrollably, "why in God's name did we return to Shit Planet?"

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  • I then switch the channel to a far lovely show, Discovery Channel's Myth Busters. It is the story of two gay lovers who are just trying to find acceptance in the world why they go

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  • find acceptance by blowing up everything I'm not sure, but it just goes to show, man love + explosions = ratings hit. That's why I pitched my TV series idea, which I liked to call

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  • "The Kiss Bang Boom!" A crusty detective about to retire and a wise-cracking rookie get into high-speed chases and sexual tension. Video game showing up in the fall. Toys for kids.

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