After ramming the massive black dildo up

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat lazy-boy, unable to focus on the old man on the screen. I turned the television off and wondered what I was doing with my life. Gingerly, I stood

up and wandered around the house, lost in thought. I ran into a lamp and broke it.

I was a bit of a klutz. Especially when my mind was preoccupied, as it was now. I picked up the pieces of broken glass and unplugged the lamp. Wandering into the kitchen, I

brushed lightly aginst the stove igniting pilot light. The cat let out a yelp as her tail scorched the curtains. "Baking soda, where is the baking soda?" I thought. The sprinkler

suddenly spurted a foul-smelling liquid onto the floor and walls, and I couldn't get the image of a dead cat stuffed with rotten jalapenos out of my head. "There's the baking soda,

and there's the Jolt cola." He jammed the dead cat full of baking soda, wrapped it in an airtight shower cap, then injected jolt into the carcass and dropped it down the

ASPCA head quarters. That was when RSPCA air support flew in overhead & started gunning down the dead-cat-bomb-making hick full of corn kernals. Ninja squirrels drew banana sabers

and then sky dived into the blue beyond, aiming their furry bodies at the teeming enemy armoured columns below. Their tails spread out as they reached the ground and swooped out in

a fan formation, As one they converged upon the stunned mujahideen, crawling up pants' legs, each lemming clutching a grenade, pin freshly pulled.