It started with eating my own fingers and

  • It started with eating my own fingers and progressed. I've eaten a whole arm and half my left leg so far. My doctor is concerned but I can't stop and I really like the look of my

  • terds. I used to eat junk, but thanks to this new kind of finger food (self-cannibalistically speaking), they look so organic. With my fingerless hands, I proudly point at them so

  • people will pick up stuff for me. My fingerless hands turned into a real source of pain because my daughter makes fun of me. She says, "Daddy get on the monkey bars" but she knows

  • my metal hooks clanking sounds embarrass me. The other parents stare like I'm a freak. I gave up my job as stenographer & joined the circus. My daughter's jeers turned to cheers

  • and her fears turned to tears when one of my hooks got tangled and severed the tightrope I was walking. The crowed gasped. I plunged to my imminent certain unavoidable demise. But

  • as my life passed before my eyes my super "iron man like" strength kicked in and I held on to one end of the tight rope with my one good hand. I was dangling fifty

  • feet above ground off the edge of that cliff from where I thought I should push my car to collect insurance...KARMA REALLY IS A BITCH!

  • I don't believe in Karma because I'm not a believer. No, I'm a Belieber. You may think I deserve to be thrown off a cliff. It is true I have lemming attributes in my willingness to

  • be thrown off cliffs, etc - but then again, that is hardly surprising since my grandmother actually was a lemming, thus making me a quarter lemming overall (quemming). Surprised?

  • No, not really. Not in these days & these times. Unusual matings happen all the time. It's only a matter of time before we all devolve into one single quemming blob of life.



  1. SlimWhitman Jul 11 2013 @ 14:27

    Are Beliebers lemmings? Belieber = Bieber worshipper?

  2. JonB Jul 11 2013 @ 15:09

    All Beliebers are lemmings, yes. Which is not to say that all lemmings are Beliebers.

  3. mensaque Jul 12 2013 @ 17:57

    I've totally messed that one!Suddenly the tight rope(that I've missed completely) was turned into a cliff,or a poor excuse for a cliff,that is,as I miscalculated the convertion from meters to feet...

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