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Terricloth robes always seem to chafe me.

  • Terricloth robes always seem to chafe me. I have tried using all sorts of fabric softening agents with no luck. However,

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  • the robes I steal from hotels always seem to have some magical softness, unattainable by anyone save the manufacturer. Once washed, they lose their magic, so I got a job as a maid

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  • in Manhattan Jennifer Lopez knock-off and stood down on Sunset to take photos with the fat, lazy, stupid, chowdery tourists. If I save enough, maybe I can invest in Hotel RObes

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  • like the ones those people wear in Wall-E. YEAH! No more working! Just sitting on my fat, Lopez-like ass and sipping shakes and watching TV!

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  • I grabbed the remote and zapped through the channels. By 3 a.m. my lids were drooping through a hair-product infomercial. Suddenly I recognized the guy using the product. "Holy cow

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  • that�s Sean Connery!" I screamed. Poor guy, what's Sir Connery doing in a Rogaine ad? What happened to the wig he used in the Bond movies? Does he have no shame? All these question

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  • were in my interview when I approached Sir Connery. I eagerly pulled up a chair. "You. Bald. How long?" After a moment of reflection, he responded with a jab to my lower jaw.

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  • Wow! I should have expected it but frankly, I didn't. He punches like a madman for someone his age. I stumbled weakly and pulled myself up onto the chair and he pounced again.

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  • I rolled on the floor, stained with blood, and banged my head. The world went white and suddenly cold. I could no longer feel life in my veins, but I felt the presence of power.

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  • It was a tingly sort of power that didn't set quite right, but it is with this power I now am consumed. I speak to you from beyond reach. I speak to you now from beyond the dead.

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