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The afternoon of Oct. makes me sleepy. Watching

  • The afternoon of Oct. makes me sleepy. Watching the sunray from the window pane, the time is passing slowly. "The life won't change if I do nothing." I say. "Yes, this will last

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  • forever." I reach over to hit the snooze button and knock over a glass of water. The droplets fan outward in slow-motion. The clock's second hand hovers. Time winds down.

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  • This is because my 3 year old is standing in front of me with a poopy diaper. The organic foulness has totally stopped time. He has a transformer jammed deep into

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  • his diaper folds mingling with his dingle berries & steaming chocolate sausage.He grinned as only babies do when in production mode. I wanted to rescue my collectible Optimus Prime

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  • from Toby's mouth, but I was afraid he would fling poo at me. "Hey buddy, you want ice cream?" Toby's eyes lit up and Optimus Prime's head emerged from his mouth. "Toby want

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  • ice cweam Toby want ice cweam” said Optimus Prime in a little baby voice sounding like Elmer Fudd on helium. What the hell had happened to Optimus Prime?Since becoming a movie star

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  • Optimus Prime has been smoking pot

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  • -ential energy problem sets since before he could deploy hydrofoils. Optimus's parents prepared to ship him off to a school for young physicists. "Lil' Optimus, do you have plenty

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  • of oil and dilithium sammiches? Don't let that Pinkie Pie trade you cupcakes for them. And don't let Dan steal them for his nefarious plans." Little Optimus went to Hubdergarten.

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  • He trusted no one...not after all he'd gone through. Never, ever again would Little Optimus bring anything to Show and Tell. His Hubdergarten "friends" were such BEASTS!

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