Opening the book, I saw a piece of paper

a post secret message slipped between the pages. It reads 'I've seen evil in your eyes, and i like it'. The writing seems familiar. In fact, it looks like maggie's scrawl. I went

to Maggie's house and yelled, "Are YOU the goat-monster that's been ruining my life?" Of course,

my mouth had been sewn shut years ago, so all that came out was "MMMMMMM!" It didn't really matter, though. Looking the goat-monster in the eye, I knew beyond any shadow of a doubt

that we were in love. It struck me like a bolt of lighting or a goat-monster punching you in the eye. We both knew it was a crime against nature, but what had nature done for us?

I'll tell you what nature did for us. Genitals. Ugly, disgusting, putrid genitals. It was time to put them to good use.

The engineer spent hours at his desk pondering just how to do so...when it finally hit him. "Screwdrivers! Genius!" After that day, male genitalia would never be the same.

Weeks after the birth of the idea, it was ready. People gathered to see the engineer's greatest invention. "All I needed was a screwdriver." He dropped his pants and people awed at

articulated pelvic hand. "With simple thrusts of the hips, you can manipulate anything!" He attempted to demonstrate with a bottle of beer. He was able to use a bottle opener, but

to use your gooch as a means to open a cold one was widely respected amongst the Houtou tribe of Norfolk, VA. With a proud chieftain standing next to him, he shoved the bottle in