Finished Folds (761—780)
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1Jesus loves those two hooks on the back of a hammer, but the Awful Waffle also harvested the most rancid of hayseed townies imaginable. To them, he was "visitor from planet psycho"
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4he declared my brother a flight risk and took away his passport. Normally this would barely phase him, but he'd developed and adversarial relationship with the DMV, and had no ID
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6the war I'd waged with the jolly old elf had covered four continents and ended the lives of thousands of humans and nearly a million of his north elven brethren. Each death cloying
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4establish the new boundaries and principles. After eighteen months of hugs and side-lip kisses, he was barreling toward a fork in the road with only a minor bias for continuing
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4One of the doctors who caught the end of it said that he’d knocked down three of them before the last one hit him in the head with a brick.” “A brick!?” I yelped. The floodgates
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0I could feel my eyes begin to well up…The sickening feeling of tears running behind my face, into my nose and down the back of my throat. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t even gasp.
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3She hadn’t asked for me help since I nearly burned down the house twice in one week. I’ve never really tried baking after the Christmas cookie incidents, and she never invited me
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3Then he gave me the look that only a father can give his daughter. It’s the look that says “I carried you on my shoulders. I put a band-aid on your knee. I just want this one favor
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1A John Kerry Vietnam vet, his sentiments on war can be summarized by the following: “Killing for Peace is like Fucking for Virginity.” That probably seems crass, but it’s on his
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1“Three days, huh?” Ken nodded with a broad grin on his face. Coq au Vin is a chicken recipe that involves chicken, wine, mushrooms, onions and time. It’s probably the most
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1I laughed. I didn’t want to. I don’t laugh at people because it encourages them to interact. But I couldn’t help it. At first it came out as an aborted “ha-ha-h-“ I tried to
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1I'm the only one left on the planet, which of course I am. The others died off in some freak biological accident. Flu vaccines mutated and gave rise to a strain so virulent, dogs
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2he hope to survive such a transgression on the celebration of Chief Seattle's birthday so deep in Tulalip territory. Tourette's had always made life interesting, but it was better
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3the policy changes for the betterment of man kind that he'd always wanted and clean up corruption. His first act was to arm his cartel for the slaughter of all others. Only thing
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1something about his mother and Lumpy surged to the back of the bus. It was enough that he was going to have to face his wife a loser, but sucking it up from a bench warmer was not
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5that the extra wing sauce gushed from his nose and into the face and cleavage of one of the eponymously named staff. The crowd howled in approval and made it rain quarters & dimes
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2his estate taxes. Now undead, he began to crawl back to the top. The impact hadn't been kind to his skeleton or bowels, but his head landed on a coyote and was in perfect condition
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2the powers of Aquaman could be muted for only a moment. The disappointed cries of jellyfish only served to depress me further. Seafood is such a downer. "Only when eaten", he said
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1the president of Purel, a close friend from her days in experimental subliminal marketing, and ordered an extra large supply. No matter that she was eroding her immune system,
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0mixed with peanuts and chocolate. She had started small with regular m&m's, then with cookie centers, then peanuts, straight up her nose. Soon she'd graduate to the pretzel kind