Today was a great day with the bae! It was totally rockin!

I'm not a normal girl. I carry with me a terrible secret-one that could destroy the world. I live in constant fear of those who hunt me. They know my secret... They want my power..

Jonh Garlin sat in the chair with his wife, we were at the commen room reunion. it was amazing. everyone was here, Niki and Dolten, my wife and me. i had put on a skirt for this to

"He got it from BREAD and it like, ate his face!" "Oh shut up, your stories never make any sense." She felt terrible as her friend scolded her but she kept staring at the bread...

I have a riddle for you... 1 tells history, 2 is normal, 3 is a defect, 4 is a mother. Any guesses????

So the king bid farewell to a dolphin.

as the baby Murphy the elephant roamed through the plaines with his mother, he wondered when dad would come home. he was tired & hungry. why did dad have to leave during the move.

The man in the bright green 80s strapless tube dress and torn fishnets winked a heavily made-up eye at me, then, twirling around the lamppost, stuck his ample behind sheathed in

To whom it may concern, I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm sorry for, but I'm really really sorry. I'm sorry you had to put up with me for all this time. I'm sorry I had to leave.

I don't remember much after the third inning, except for the feel of

Among the few things I regret are that I never had a sound understanding of quantum mechanics. Spin? Location?

Belated birthdays were his way of saying that he liked you, but passive aggressively wasn't really interested in carrying the friendship forward to the next birthday. Also, farting

I've told you before how much I hate it when you

Chevy Chase had just booked a bank commercial. Sweet Jesus had it come to this? He used to be funny right? Right!?!?!? Then his toothpaste said, "You were never funny, just

The phone idled quietly against the monitor. Most of the time it waited for calls, but the CIA back door had accessed the camera and was streaming audio and video, monitoring his

In the short time since he'd stepped across the threshold, the race had begun. The old were tired and awaiting slaughter, save a few who enlisted cronies to bolster their position

A John Kerry Vietnam vet, his sentiments on war can be summarized by the following: “Killing for Peace is like Fucking for Virginity.” That probably seems crass, but it’s on his

The entire top tier of his book shelf was covered with the creations of one author. The second tier was strewn with statues and memorabilia. But now, the authors bigoted comments

The guitar was used to communicate with the other spy. The location of debriefing was the Guitar Center. He would come in and noodle "Hotel California," while the "cashier" trans

The mouse scurried down the hall with a ball of cheese and a map that gave the exactly location of the final piece of the puzzle. Of all four hundred pieces, this would finally do