The bruise was big, vivid and colorful - like an oil spll in a puddle. "What is this?" "What does it look like?" Fine... "Who was it?" "Any lucky guess?"

So sitting on the back deck of the boat, all of my past insecurities came rushing back. I hollered to those folks hanging over the edge of the bridge "Hey you, what's

Colder than a well diggers ass? The only way find out it's meaning is to actually dig a well by hand. The well well Dad and I were digging was already thirty feet deep and water

Taking a page from the Pointer Sisters, Tabitha sauntered into the room and exclaimed,

Sixty-six. That was approximately how many ninja waitresses were on top of the building two blocks away. I knew they were hunting for me, and I knew I had to stop them. But how?

"Hammer, if I don't begin and end every sentence with the word hammer, the device attached to my heart will explode hammer" said Bobby Skids, telemarketer. With a deep breath, he

Today I start my new job as a private detective. It's not the easiest job, but makes me good money and I get to do what I love, unless

She could have chosen to wake up then, but she didn't. Would it have worked? Well. Maybe. She walked across the shifting ballroom, into the next chamber, which seemed to be

A Wild Snorlax Appeared! What will you do?

My first mistake was probably getting "If lost, please return to..." and my address engraved on to my house keys. My second was

So one time I saw this chick walk down the street. She was Mexican, or maybe some type of Italian, but damn she had a booty!

Once upon a time, in a far far away land, lived a little boy and his sick grandmother. The boy was too young to work so he had no money to help his granny.

Wake up in the morning feeling like

Once upon a time, there was -- oh fuck it. B'CHUGERROTH!!!!!!!!!!!

I just got my Android. However, an history of awesomness before i get the damn Android is inevitable to listen to. Well, i was here, at the bar, drunk, talking with friends, when

This was the moment I had been waiting for. I was about to become a celebrity. If I flashed my breasts at the exact point Tom Cruise left his hotel, I would be recognized across

It was a fateful meeting on the night of December 18th, 1949. Ralph Johnson knew that it was only a matter of time before the events of earlier year would come back to haunt him.

@FB Hi guyz I try somethin New...

When I came back from Dublin, ...

I have a monkey head.